When I decided to start this website, I spent quite a bit of time in prayer and reflection on what, exactly, a Christian wedding is and – more specifically – how a Christian wedding is different from a secular wedding. That may seem like a silly question but it really isn’t. Blogs abound about gothic weddings and budget weddings and so on. It is easy to define what they are about and what defines them. As a Christian writer, what do I offer that is different?
  Scene from Tannhauser, Elizabeths Prayer |
Is a wedding Christian if it’s held in a church? No. I know several atheists that got married in a church to appease their partner. I also know lots of people that attended church as children but don’t have a relationship with Jesus that got married in a church. So, getting married in a church does not make a wedding Christian.
Is a wedding Christian if a pastor officiates it? No. For the same reasons getting married in a church does not make a wedding Christian.
What if Scripture verses are read during the ceremony? Nope. See above.
A Christian wedding may not look any different from the outside than any other wedding. A Christian bride may wear the exact same gown as a secular bride, get married in the exact same church and recite the same vows yet her wedding will be worlds away from the secular wedding. In a Christian wedding, the angels are rejoicing with the couple as God Himself joins the couple together in a mysterious way that can never adequately be described and is only understood by someone who has experienced it first hand.
Secular couples get married because they’re in love. Christian couples get married because they know God has chosen their partner just for them. Of course they are in love as well but their union is so much more. A Christian knows that just love is not enough to withstand the rocks and bumps a marriage goes through in life. Many an adulterous relationship is based on “being in love.” We are not led by our feelings but by the Spirit of God.
The presence of the Spirit of God at your wedding is the element that makes a wedding truly Christian. It is something that cannot be incorporated by praying God blesses the union or by saying just the right verse or lighting a Unity candle. It is beyond what this website – or any website – can teach. God’s will is either with the union or it isn’t. He either joins you on your wedding day or He doesn’t. There is no middle ground.
I can help you confirm that God has chosen your mate for you and help you prepare spiritually for this union. I can teach you wedding etiquette, show you some great resources for your wedding purchases and give you tips on creative and frugal alternatives. I can’t, however, help you make your wedding Christian. That is far beyond my power and ability.
I feel really weird going down this road on a wedding planning website – almost like I’m trying to throw a wet towel over the party but the reality is half of all marriages – Christian or not – end in divorce. Half of all marriages – Christian or not – live in abuse in one form or another. That means half of you will either get divorced, get beat by your husband or both. Too me that is far too great of a number to ignore. I cannot, in good conscience, help you plan your fairy tale wedding knowing that, for half of you, it will turn into your worst nightmare. Making sure that you know that you know that you know that this is the man God Himself has chosen for you is the answer.
We have a crisis of family in our culture. If half were unemployed or had the Swine flu, we would be in serious trouble. Half of our families are already there.
Look, I believe in marriage. Ending my first marriage was the hardest thing I have ever done. After fifteen years of being beaten myself and catching him in one affair after another, I simply couldn’t do it anymore. If I can educate you so that you don’t have to go through that, well, praise God. That is far more important to me than making an extra buck in commissions on the stuff you buy through my site. This website is a ministry first and foremost.
And, so, preparing for your wedding is a three part process. First, make absolutely sure that he is the one. Second, prepare your own heart and mind for the role God has called you to. Third, take care of all of the outer preparations people usually think of when planning a wedding. Skipping any one of these steps is a recipe for disaster.
